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Oh my. Oh no. on. Hey my oh [singing] my ach. [singing] Oh my. I chose the myoli because this is my first podcast episode and this beautiful oie has several intentional meanings. in the words themselves and in the raising of octaves three times and the repeating of the words. It is extremely symbolic. It's powerful and beautiful and intentional. And I humble myself and respectfully ask permission for our ancestors to please grant us the knowledge. This only specifically acknowledges the connection we have and the ability that we all have to connect to that knowledge and to our ancestors. There is a specific intention and we have the power to tap into it always and it's always here. We use sound and vibration and intention of our thoughts while interacting with those who have come before us. I cherish this understanding and I acknowledge and perpetuate this by living it. We are the connection to it. I also want to honor Auntie Abby of Ha who is the original Kumu that taught me this oi. And although she is no longer with us on this three-dimensional plane, she still exists now as an inspirer, an ancestor, it's a beautiful perpetual idea that I believe in firmly. I do want to say at the beginning of this podcast that it's not always going to be familyfriendly and that not all ages can be in on this conversation. The purpose of this podcast may change and grow the longer I continue talking about our healing and our traumas, but I plan on having lots of conversations with people who could tell their story. Those who are brave enough who want to share the parts of their healing journey that's not always easy or comfortable to talk about, but I feel that it's part of my purpose to talk about my healing journey and how far I've come. I've gained so many tools emotionally that I feel like it's my purpose to tell people not only my story but to show them how to get on the right path of their own healing journey. We all have our own path and yet we all still need each other to heal. As Polynesians, we are a village-minded people. Every time someone asks me, "So, what's the purpose of your podcast?" It's difficult to give a short answer because it's so much more. The purpose of this podcast is to awaken awaken those parts of us that we have gotten so good at ignoring because the more conscious we are of the truth inside of ourselves, the more conscientious we become of the truth all around us. the truth that resides in everything and that helps us stay on the path of healing and the traumas that we have and releasing them and turning that path pain into wisdom. And I know that such a loaded idea, just that idea alone, has so many meanings and such depth. Which is why I ask for the knowledge and the words to say what I mean and the ability to get my point across. Because this is a part of my purpose to create this podcast and create a safe space where we can talk about culture and our own personal belief systems about our ancient culture and healing ways. They don't always line up with the typical identification that's put out there on our parent by our parents and siblings and our aunties and our uncles and the other people from our same culture or other cultures. I plan on having many discussions with other people who have this idea of themselves. I want to share their part of their healing journey with you. And to those of you who are listening and tuning in, if you have found yourself in this podcast and you don't know what brought you here, just know that something is calling you to come here. And if you don't know what that something is, just tune in because I'm going to get into that. We are these beautiful energetic beings full of life force and we have the power to use sound and vibration and breath and movement and that's how we were created. How we can heal, it's also how we can hurt. But I believe that we have what's called by certain cultures a life force, mana. Not only does each person have their own life force, but everything around us has a life force. The earth, everything you see and touch has a life force. All the elements and we can connect to it. In fact, we already more connected than some of us understand. The idea of one love is a powerful belief. One love, I believe that love is where we come from. love and light as an energetic force that can be felt inside of our bodies, which is where our emotions and our ego resides of these amazing bodies that we're walking around in. And this love light is real. It's as real as you and me. And we can connect to it because it is us and we are it. So what is the purpose to awaken and to heal could be the short answer and how I plan to execute that is to have deep in-depth uncomfortable conversations with those people who are willing to share their stories. So I plan on having interviews and many conversations with those people who are ready to speak about their healing journey and share their insights and what others say and can benefit because connection is key to healing. So the name of my podcast is there's a healing in connection. And that may seem simple, but the name itself has a few different meanings. There's a healing in connection. My name is Teresa, spelled t h e r s. So some of my siblings call me there's a growing up as a jerk. So in a sense the title there's a healing and connection is me healing and reconnecting to the self-love and the truth and also me telling others to connect and that's how we heal connection back to ourselves and to each other. We didn't arrive to trauma alone. Our trauma is a direct response to something that we didn't get from someone that matters to us, an important connection. Our inner conflict comes from the lies that we tell ourselves to survive. So when I decided to live my truth, I had to face those parts of myself that even I was afraid of and I hated. I started to live a life saying what I mean and meaning what I say. And that takes practice. And people around me who were very content with living some of those lies with me also began to become uncomfortable when I began changing my behavior because I was not lying not only to myself but to others. Because living a life of perpetuating lies led me to where I was only a few short years ago. I was living in Hawaii working as a teacher for one of my jobs and raising the kids my kids as a single mom. appearing to the community around me that I was holding it together, but I wasn't okay inside. I mean, I had no idea at the time my whole life I had lived with anxiety and it was slowly getting worse and I was working with so much that I was continuing the cycle of not being emotionally present for my precious children that I love so much because I was really good at surviving and providing the physical things that keep us safe and happy enough. I started using a street drug, a really hard one in Hawaii or we called ICE. That was my way of self-medicating and it kept supporting my life in the mode of survival and moving forward. I had to hide my using from my community to keep my kids safe along with my reputation and to keep me going forward and living a double life just to feel okay and give me energy. Energy I needed to hold three jobs and still be a perfect example of of a mom who has it all together. Perfection was my worst enemy and the biggest lie of all. I didn't understand it at the time. Yet, I needed to release the traumas that I was holding on to inside of my body, literally held together with a bow of lies and of selfdeception. In this mi in the midst of all this, my two older kids were graduating school and leaving the home. the two I leaned on too much to help me raise not only themselves, but the little beautiful seven-year-old that I still had to raise alone. It was still making I was still making questionable choices and not being present and numbing myself from my life. I found myself pregnant again with another one. I was scared. I wanted I even went to an abortion clinic to see how far along I was. And that and that little tiny baby hand had five digits and everything waved to me through the little screen. [snorts] I looked at the doctor who volunteered there and I said, "Well, I guess that does it. I'm having this baby." I felt his little soul say, "Hey, mom, we are doing this. >> [snorts] >> I had no idea how I was going to do this. And so my sister appointed me to my brother, my little brother. I told myself, he says he wants a kid. But this is a big commitment. I was wrong. My brother didn't even let me finish my sentence before he said before [snorts] I said no. This is not only your decision. I need your husband also on board or we are not doing this. [snorts] And at that very night, we all facetimed. We all decided together in tears and smiles and love that yes, they will raise my little Annabella and they will be the dads they needed to be for him. We talked we talk about we talk about our culture how normal it is for the fertile sister to have children for the other siblings who can't have their own children but we never talk about how that makes us feel. We never talk about how confusing it might be for the little seven-year-old to see his little baby brother live with his uncle forever. We never talk about When my brother, my other brother and his wife, rather than judge me where I'm at, saw that I wasn't okay and offered to finish raising my little seven-year-old rather than judge me harshly. My brother looked me in the eyes and said, "Sis, you are still a good mother. You have always taken care of all of us, and now it's your turn to take care of yourself. Shh, let us take care of him. No one had ever said that to me before. [snorts] I don't regret any of my decisions that have placed me and my beautiful boys in safe and loving family homes. My family, [snorts] I know that I made the right choices, but I know that the pain of those choices will still arise for my two little boys. But I'm here for it. I will be here for all the emotions [snorts] that they need me to be there for. My mental health after I gave up my boys went downhill so much faster because I no longer had my kids to help me. My kids were the reason I held it together for so long. So, as soon as they were gone, I started to question my existence. I literally thought my life was over and dark thoughts began creeping in moment by moment. My anxiety was off the charts. I started having panic attacks. I didn't know what to do. When the using began, the only way began to be the only way to feel normal. Too shorten the story. I ended up in Washington in a crisis center because I decided to take my own life because I needed to end it all and keep the lies alive. So when I tell you that I am alive today because of miracles, I mean that with all that I am. So I don't want this podcast to be too long. But I did want to share that part of me [snorts] with you today and tell you that a lot of people are not okay. There is hope. Yes, it's okay to not be okay. But we need to change our perspective. We can always trust our intuition, [snorts] but we cannot always trust our perspective. Changing our condition begins with honesty and surrounding yourselves with supportive people that will support your healing path and make your environment support you. [snorts] Do you know how you feel? Your body is consistently sending you messages. Do you know yourself? How is your relationship with you? Stop ignoring the messages around you, inside you. Listen to your own language. Do you say often, "I hate me. I hate my size. I'm so dumb." [snorts] What are you saying a lot in a repetitive basis? Letting your thoughts become obsessive. [snorts] Tune into your own addictions. What are the behaviors you hide from others because you're embarrassed about them? [snorts] Trying to control the outcome because you don't want someone to tell you to stop doing what you're doing. So, you hide that from people you love. Your own behavior. That's where you start. This doesn't have to be overwhelming. And the good news is that you don't have to do this all by yourself. But it's not normal to be in a relationship and feel so lonely. It's not normal to feel like the only way out is death and you want to kill yourself. We are not supposed to walk around feeling like this. The good news is that we can change how we feel, [snorts] but we have to address it because depression depression doesn't just go away. [snorts] If we ignore it, we have to be act [snorts] depression just doesn't go away if we ignore it. We have to actively day by day work on feeling better, doing better, facing those parts of ourselves that make us and others feel uncomfortable. I am ready for that. If you are, come on this journey with me. And if you aren't feeling brave, if you're feeling froggy, not to worry. I'll show you the path. Just know you won't have you don't have to do this alone. You never have. I got you. I love you. I love me. I love truth. And I hope that you will, too. Aloha.