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We're struggling. We are >> >> Hello everyone and I am Julie Christine and I am here with my dear friend Teresa. We are working on our camera angles here so bear with us as we are trying to figure this out live in real time. Okay, maybe it's okay. >> It's trying. I'm at the angles of the behind the scenes. It's okay. >> Okay. Oh, welcome Teresa. First and foremost, thank you for being here for being vulnerable and also testing out our interesting little studio that we've put together. >> Great. >> Um, and hopefully this is working for everyone. So, you just had your first podcast. >> Yes. >> And then how are you feeling afterwards? >> Um, I feel nervous. >> Yeah. >> That it's out there now. >> Yeah. >> It's just the beginning, but you know. >> Yeah, it is. And also, we'll get this closer to this. Um, did you read the comments? >> Um, not all of them. I need to go back and look. >> Were you surprised at anything in particular? >> I mean, there was a lot of supportive comments. >> Yeah. That I liked. >> You know, this isn't easy. This isn't This is scary. >> It is. Yeah. So just for it to be received well but it's okay if it doesn't get received well. >> Yeah that's the spirit because also yeah these are hard conversations and um Teresa is here to share her story and also um do you want to start? >> Yeah. So, we're calling this episode my roots because um I just wanted to address that. I guess just kind of tell a little bit more about me and where I come from because that's really as Polynesians how we introduce ourselves anyways. We introduce ourselves like how we got here and what our origin story is and >> who are the people that created us and what line are we in that. >> Wow. >> So I just wanted that to be something that I address just my background. Um so my I have I have two dads. I have two moms. Uh my birth father he is someone and from Alipata is the the village in Aia or the area that we are that we reside that we come from that's where our actual roots are from and then um um my mom who has like German and Russian in her somewhere along the line. We don't know them very well but um she both my parents after me remarried and she remarried a Tongian man. So that is from ina and um that's where they my dad resides from there. So, uh, from the age of five, I had to like, so with my stepdad or dad, there's really no word for stepdad. So, he's just my dad. He's >> been my dad since I was five. And so, I've been in that family since I was five, basically. Um, so yeah. And then um dad's my s dad when he immigrate and this is the confusing part. My whole life all of [clears throat] my close friends have always been confused because I have my dad and when I say my dad and when I say my mom it's so confusing because I have two separate families. I have siblings from both sides. Like it's just it's confusing for a lot of people. And so I just want to try to clarify that because when I say my brother um I am the oldest child of all of them. So I really am the oldest of all my siblings and um it's just confusing to other people when I start to talk about me and that's okay. You don't have to understand it. >> >> No, but for me to try and explain uh my background a little bit. Um I was born in Oakland, California and then because that's where my dad migrated. So my mom and dad migrated to the Bay Area. >> So there was like a he was actually he kind of he went to a Mormon high school when he was 15. So his mom want to go to American South and go to a Mormon high school there. And that's where he had, you know, developed some big dreams of coming here to the US, um, becoming a Mormon, becoming an educated Mormon, and [clears throat] you know, finding a wife and having lots of kids, which he did. Um, he has three baby moms and lots of children from that. And so um he did all the things that more that he wanted to do. We passed away for four years and um it's kind of put a pause on a lot for me. I was going to go like start podcast then but it kind of um stopped me going forward on that because I didn't want to talk part of my story. I wasn't ready to do that. So I just gave myself enough time to heal and just just focus because I've been focusing on me for a long time. So coming here when I wasn't okay just to focus on me and what my needs are like what are they because I didn't even know what they were. I I went through my whole life just never really concerned about my own needs. And and so that was a change in behavior for me having to focus on that. So lived in California, I lived in we moved to Utah when I was um first I I was here for a little bit with my dad when he was going to BYU and then we came from Samuel. We lived in Solo for five years. Came out here um when I was 11. And so All those that whole time though my whole life I've been going back and forth from parent to parent. So, it was just a lot of moving. >> Yeah. >> There's a lot of teachers I don't remember, a lot of things I don't remember. Just a lot that I don't remember >> because of so much moving and it was it's a lot for a kid. >> Now, what I about healing and about kids development, it's just it's a lot >> um to ask them to move like Yeah. You know, >> Yeah. For sure. >> Yeah. >> So, then Yeah. And then um I as soon as I uh know what part I need to say this I um after I got divorced I uh started getting my education like as far as like after school stuff. So I got a [clears throat] bachelor's in sociology with the University of Utah. not sponsored but uh sponsored that as well. And then um um so now being a single mom like I was actually when I was in California going to school I was working full-time, going to school full-time um while living with my husband tiny little two-bedroom apartment in Hayward, California. And um I went to Shabbo College which I feel like that's the best my education better than when I was at the U just because um a lot of the mindsets that are there that they were my professors and I was like like I didn't realize it until I left and came back here to get you know my bachelors that I was like oh you prefer different. Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> I liked it over there. But but that was okay. I It's life lessons I was learning. Um and that was Yeah. I was raising my two older two kids and then came out here. Then ended up in Hawaii. And then I became first I started as just like a reading teacher in kindergarten in like Google Hawaii and just the whole short. I ended up like becoming like um a substitute. These were ways for me to bypass getting the teacher like lenture like I did take the practice and all of those things but kept stopping my progress. Like I even started on my masters in special education. So I've been a special education teacher now for over years. And so I do have all of that under my belt, but I realize now that's it's wasn't my calling. Even though I was really I am good at it. I am a good teacher. But >> yeah, >> um it's it's given me some skills that no university could ever give me because students taught me more than university could ever teach me. And I think it's because I'm teachable. I want to learn and I'm seeing structure of things like my degree is in behavioral science stuff. And so I was noticing the bigger picture anyways, you know, and regular gened teachers when they go into teaching, they're not prepared for special education. >> Um, and the fact that we even special education, the whole system is >> Yeah, >> that's a whole other podcast. I definitely want to get into that >> because I do believe that we need to change the way school is because >> it's not for us. >> So, we need to change it. >> Yeah. >> And it's a huge idea. So, take up >> let's go. Half of my best friends are teachers. I have a lot of respect for I was off and on homeschooled in between my education. So, I popped around school Costa Rica, Chile, the US and then all these different things. So I can also just even by state is so different. I've been I'm on my fifth university right now and just to see even in Utah I went to USU and um sweet boy and Salt Lake Community College and yeah just the it just you can pick up different energies but it is based on the teachers truly. >> Oh for sure. >> Yeah. I I love Denver University, but I did not like the one professor and it was a big one for me. That was a big makes a big difference. But education is so important and how we bring education to children when their minds are so like formidable is like vital. And the fact that we even teach our like treat our teachers the way that we do when they're molding the future says exactly where we are in this country and what their goals are truly >> because we don't we lost interpersonal touches with it. We lost >> actual education. Let's be truly honest. I am watching kids >> the Roman numerals. I that's a new one for me to watch that people don't know what Roman numerals are cursive like I feel old. >> That's good. >> Yeah. >> No, it's been it's by design. So what I mean like because I had this bigger picture mentality, I'm watching things change and a lot of the teachers are so stressed out. This nothing against any of the teachers that are like teaching. It's a hard work. >> It's not easy because the system is so jacked up and >> it's working though. Is that exactly how it's supposed to work by how it's designed to work and the teachers are so stressed out. They're just and they don't have like enough resources. It's just it's insane. >> Crazy. Yeah. And so whatever they're supposed to be teaching anyways or told that they're supposed to be teaching, it's all being interrupted by the entire system, the system. It's just it's insane. So >> they do a podcast. >> Yes. And I can I have receipts. I can I will have PDFs. I can >> Perfect. Anyways, so going forward with when I first got here uh from so my mental health started to decline. I I said so you have to go back and listen to the first episode >> to get that um >> I know we have to switch it but um >> it does not want to stay on me. >> I'm sorry. >> It's okay. We're trying. >> Stay. Stay. Shadow retrograde. >> Stay. You can be drained. >> No. What? She's She's into you. If you have a crush, she's totally >> That's okay. She won't be the first. >> Yeah. Um so think >> after education. >> Oh yeah. So um in my first episode I kind of I explained how I wasn't okay and then my drug use wasn't helping and all the things that I was doing was just making it worse. basically just like living in a way that's like so toxic for myself and making choices that support that lifestyle. It's a whole It's insane what we do. >> Yeah. >> To keep that going because it's this thing we've created from our our belief systems that we've built like we've made decisions to say, "Oh, this is how I'm this works for me >> even when it's not working." >> Yeah. works crazy mental gymnastics to like make those things that shouldn't even a lot of energy and it causes us so much like stress and then we're too overwhelmed and then we a huge cycle of avoidance and appeasal and avoidance and appeasal and then we're just like trapped in it and it's like we're either going to do something or we're just avoid you when we really should learn how to say no. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. Like, oh, all we have to do is learn how to say no. >> Yeah. >> And disappoint people and make people unhappy. And >> And why do we care so much? That's like the part that's like embedded into us. >> Exactly. And it is especially in our culture like uh there's just so much in there. >> Um and so I do believe in going further back. Like when I say ancient knowledge, I'm talking what is our origin story? So something that I'm grateful for Shabbo College and this is really what got me to change my whole mindset because I was slow. I was in a religion that and this is part that's going to be scary but I am going to speak um I was in a religion that um is based in who the authority is in church things and that's who you listen to and so my dad was my son dad is very controlled and very religious And um I don't when when someone's or even any Polynesian is a religion, the culture gets tied up in that. And so it's like this is what we do. This is what we do. This is how we say do this. That's how we are a good person. This is how we're a good mother or a sister or whatever. And so that's all tied into the religion now because it's just there's no boundary for it. It's it's all one because you're this is how we are as because like >> we might meet a friend and this is how they become our family because like uh you're just one of us now. This is what we're doing. So yeah, >> it's that village tribe mentality, right? What's good for the goose is good for the gather and it's like well someone the decision for kind of everyone a little bit. >> Exactly. It's just how we're supposed to live and we don't go against that. And so I think um just all the stress of that like when I left my ex-husband I also um my cousin also was raised in this church the same church and so we're um it's just there's just a lot in that's okay I'm trying to tiptoe here. >> Are you tiptoeing for them? are you doing for you or are you doing for us? >> Like how long do I want to go on? That's what I'm thinking. So >> I'm like well so um the religion because I'm so really what was going on in my life is I was leaving all of the controlling situations. One of them was my dad. That was the first no I said which was not received well at all. He threatened to kill my ex-husband now. Wow. >> At the time, do you want me to go to jail? I don't care if I go to jail. And I'm like, >> like at the time I was like saying no for the first time in my whole life. So he was surprised by it because I had never done that before. I had never divided him not openly. I was sneaky. Like I would sneak out. I would sneak what I wanted to do. Just my mom taught me that because she was like, "It's okay. Let's we'll just do this. We won't tell your dad." >> And I'm like, "Okay." Okay. So that concept was introduced where I was like, "Oh, I can do things and you won't find out." >> Wow. >> And so I got really good at being sneaky, which is not good for a lot of >> but um Yeah. So I think me leaving that was my first no me leaving his control was really difficult. I was 21. >> Yeah. >> Run away. He sent me to Saw like to be with my meanest aunt ever, which she prepared me for life. I want to say because honestly, I am no longer afraid of the meanest person in the room because of it. It's like, oh, she's just an unhealed person that you know, I understand you like I do. And so I could have turned into that person too, but [snorts] um I did things differently than they did. So I changed and I was able. So this is what I understand about how we are passing on generational traumas and things that we're supposed to change. It's like if it never gets changed then we pass it on. So we have to change it and literally it's changing our DNA. >> Yes. >> And that's what we have to do. So this is what what I mean when I say our ancient knowledge like I want to go back to before the colonizers changed our culture. And I'm not saying that I only believe that. I say question it. Let's let's talk about it. Let's question it. Because I see a lot of people now talking about this person and that person and we were in rule and this person was in rule as far as like Polynesians and all of that. And I want to go back further because there is there's a lot of people that are going back to like I don't know there's a lot there. But what I mean is um our ancestors are gone. They're not here, >> but we have a direct access to them. And so if that's true, um that whatever knowledge I connect to or bring out now because it's me now. I'm the one here. I I didn't ask to be born here in the US. My dad brought me here, you know. I he brought me here and I caught a ride through him and my mom and so I'm here now and that's where I started. Of course, I have my roots in Samoa, but I love I love my culture, but it's been changed and altered and so has a lot of our traditions. Um, the way we do things like I have family who are like this is how we do it and what I see is [clears throat] I know this is controversial. It is influenced by Christianity. And so what happened when we changed it? People against that. I these are the kinds of questions I have for our people like discussions I would love to talk about and address. >> Um and a lot of people don't want to talk about this because it's like that's just we're just doing it now. Here's what I learned from all of my changing my behavior is that we have to question why we're doing something and and because we've been doing it for so long isn't a good enough answer. >> Yeah. >> We have to question well this is something I've always done. I've done this since I was three years old. Okay. Why? Because it's not serving you now. >> And I feel the same culture has to change. >> Yes. like original Polynesians who made our beautiful tattoo designs and like somebody created that out of an idea and so our we have local Polynesian tattoo artists who do change it and that's what's supposed to happen yet we change because we're different and we're influenced by whatever it is we're surrounded by our resources and so here right now it's Okay. >> Yeah. >> So, I'm not afraid of change. I'm not afraid of addressing. I was doing things the wrong way for so long just because that's how we do it >> and I now question that. And so, that's something that I was that's what I was saying earlier. Um, I was starting to get exposed to things that I did not know because I was there was no internet yet. there wasn't Google yet. >> Yeah. >> And so all of our knowledge was coming from books and then like you know people that are telling us things and teaching us and so um I learned because of my professors there to question everything even what I was being taught in the university at Shab College. My professors would say, "Even what I'm teaching you now, like I had a history teacher who was like, "What you learned in school, you're you didn't learn this in school. I'm going to teach you this here." And I'm like, "Thank you." >> Uh because we're not learning in schools. The knowledge that we need, they're not showing it to us. >> So, we have to get it. And and so that was my first exposure. I read this book um at school called um Amuse Ourselves to Death by Neil Boseman and that opened my eyes to not trusting the media. Like there's a saying like lies in the media, truth in the movies, like for real. So it's I stopped watching TV because of it because of that book. I stopped reading like listening to the news. I stop I stopped all of it. I so many movies and TV shows, years and years of it because I was like, well, if I don't know and if I can't get the information, I'm just watching it. So, there's a lot of shows that I missed and I'm kind of catching up on some of them now. But, uh, it's just like that's what I was learning. And so, I started going forward in life through that. So, even when I got my bachelor's degree, I would question my teachers. I was questioning everything like everything. Everything. >> Yeah, you should. >> And I still do. >> And so because of that, it got me to that's why I started to leave the church because it was another controlling thing that was just telling me how to think and how to be and I just needed to be away from it. And so uh people don't a lot of people call it like losing your testimony. >> Mhm. >> Um it was more than that for me. It was a realization of everything that was happening. And so I was just being aware in my life. And so my first one I say is my dad. No. And then I left him to like be with my ex-husband now. And then I left my ex-husband and then I left the church. And so I I do this thing called time work which everyone can do. Anyone can do it. So you write the year that you were born >> and then you write like every line on the paper a every year up until the year now. And then you start filling in the blanks. Say you were born on this time you if you have kids this is when this kid was born. like you just start filling in the the lines and then you can start to know this is when this happened to me, this is when this happened or all of the things. It's so I call it your timeline work. Do your time work because knowing your timeline it helps me put into perspective. It also helped me remember there's things I don't know cuz when I was born I was I was born so I had to ask parents and now both of my parents are passed away and then I just have my steparents left. They weren't there. So it's more of like asking family what do you know about this? What do you remember about this? >> So it's another way to connect with your family and then ask these things. >> Sometimes it brings stuff up and they're like I had thought of that for so long. like yeah well I think about it you know >> I want to know and [clears throat] so I have started talking to my aunt who my mom's living sister but she's not remembering a lot anymore and she even said like I remember a lot and um it's it's hard because a lot of people that were around so it's just a really good way of like getting your timeline and me being able to look at my timeline was like oh so I did this and this here and then I did this and this. So that's how I know that now because I was leaving other people like I didn't want to be controlled anymore no matter what it was. And what I didn't realize was that final part of me that I was still controlling my behavior with all those people's beliefs that were just so embedded in me in so many ways. And so my dad, my well, and then just like years that I'm still telling myself I'm not enough or I'm not worthy of love and all of these things that I helped uncover. Um so it was just it this huge learning of myself I think. Um and so that's it was just I was that's when it started of me like knowing what I want to do and then you know that education and then realizing that I mean what is it for? What? >> Yeah. Also, >> what am I doing? I'm still like what? I'm not rich. >> I'm supposed to be rich. I'm supposed to like be doing better. >> Yeah. Aren't we all? >> So, I don't know. It just all the li I've been lied. We've been lied to. >> And that's another thing. >> Yes. Exactly. >> We should be angrier. And so I just think all of that realization of of me questioning everything then I'm realizing how much we're being lied to. >> Yeah. >> So it it's just like I'm just uncovering all these lies that we fed and that we're believing and it's like oh that's really hard because now I have this realization and everyone's still believing and I'm just like oh this is hard to hold on to cuz I'm like that's not true. that's actually not true. And then I I pick and choose what I say when I say it because it's like not worth the argument because I've done a lot of research on a lot of things and then um I'm just going to leave it cuz they're not doing the research. That means they're not questioning things. >> Yeah. >> So why am I trying to argue with that? >> It's a waste of energy. Truly. And a lot of people like ignorance is a choice at this point in 2026. Like if you don't know what's going on, it's by design because you don't want to. And I get not knowing everything the planet. Like we don't need to have access to that much information. But >> at least the awareness inside of yourself. >> Yeah. >> Like if we can't do that, then what are we doing? What are we what's the point of being here? What's the point of the connection? What is the point? >> Yeah. And I think too like uh if you're still avoiding lots of situations then you're not doing the work that it takes to like it's scary. >> Yeah. >> And you have to have bravery. >> Yeah. >> And then if avoidance feels better and safer then you're kind of stuck somewhere. You have to move forward. And I think a lot of people aren't realizing that because it's like, "Oh, well, I'm triggered so I'm not going to go or whatever." Whatever the excuse we tell ourselves, it's always valid. I'm not saying that that's valid. That's not valid. I'm just saying. It's scarier to show up. It's scarier to say, "No, I'm not coming." It's instead of just saying like avoiding and then avoiding the whole situation and then popping back up like a few weeks later or whatever the thing whatever the habit is. Yeah. >> It's a coping mechanism. I just now I know what I know about coping mechanisms because drugs are coping can be coping mechanis mechanisms but so are these behaviors and these are what we have to change >> because the drugs are only masking the unhealed pain that we're not addressing and it it works. That's why we do it. >> It is the easy fix. >> Yeah. >> But the easy fixes aren't long-term solutions. >> Exactly. usually mostly I guess. >> Well, so in all of that doing that where I started to leave all of the controlling things about my life, not realizing that I was the final like um mind mastermind of my controlling behavior. I was still allowing it to affect me in a very dangerous way. Guilt and shame carrying that around and then like trying to pretend like it's not there is so dangerous and that's where the suicidal ideiation can come in and start to the crazy thing is when I was in that mindset you know it's a psychosis where think it makes sense >> it doesn't feel like it's wrong >> because we start to we have to fix we have to fix our fact it we have to take a look at why that seems normal Like when you know the suicidal ideation, oh that seems like a good idea. No one's going to change my mind. Like you're already like so far you're not okay. >> Yeah. It's an opt out. Like I mean it can be anyways. >> Yeah. Or and even just toying with the idea was it's just a thing >> that needs to be addressed and you can't ignore it. It's only going to get worse. Yeah. >> Learning all of this, I started to get into and this is what I usually do. I want to save the world before I save myself. And so first came back um from that being in the crisis center in Washington. It was me um facing family and um I did that faced my family and now I'm trying to stay clean facing my family like I just took away my only coping mechanism >> and facing my family like that. No one I needed a plan. I didn't have one. That wasn't a good plan, but I did it. >> It was hard. Um I never went into rehab that I know I would have gone into rehab, but no one close to me was like, "Why don't you just go into rehab?" >> I feel like I probably would have, but >> no one knew. They were just like, "Yeah, just stop doing drugs. You'll be good." And I'm like, "Okay, >> great advice. Be happy. >> Go your life. Go do the hard thing. Go back to, you know, you're starting from scratch because now I need my family again. >> Yeah. >> Uh go get a job, go get a car, go get an apartment, all those things without doing drugs. Like, go ahead, do it. >> I didn't know. >> Yeah. So, I didn't I learned I did I jumped into a school called um just Institute of Healing Arts. Um, and that's where I got IP certified. So, it's like a whole year of emotional processing. Um, so it uses like muscle testing. So, it's like kind of I was doing so much research. I knew that my brain needed help and I didn't know I didn't want to do drugs. At this point, I was like, "Okay, I hear you. I need to stop doing drugs." My deal that I made with God was that if I'm going to stay here, I'm going to you're going to need to tell me what to do because I surrendered. I finally just surrendered. Like I think I was trying so hard not to be controlled that I was afraid of even that like surrendering to, you know, to God or source or >> yeah, >> whoever the higher whoever the higher being is. um I in the crisis center and I just like threw my hands up and I was like, "Okay, I'm gonna live." I I do have I wrote this in a book. I do have a chapter inside of a book called the collaboration with the divine. >> Oh, wow. Beautiful. You can purchase it either from me or you can punch it on Amazon. >> Well, put it on your handle. >> But if you get it from Amazon, I don't get anything from it. center. >> Oh, well, we'll have that on your page from you. >> So, [clears throat] anyway, um it just tells of my story of when I was in the crisis center because of all of the miracles that happened and really I I didn't very go into depth of of the reuse, which I wanted to. >> Um so, it makes me want to like write more story because I was just kind of like touching the surface of it. um spiritual aspect of it because I do feel like I wasn't alone even when I was like in Washington like in this drug usage I wasn't alone and I felt that I felt people in my family around me I felt my mom I felt there was an old that I think saved me in a lot of dangerous positions that I was in because I was >> doing some dangerous behaviors and >> he was helping me and I felt him. Like it's I think there's a line and I understand it when I see it in the mentally ill out here on the streets where there's a line where you start to lose the concept of this reality and you start to go into the reality that you create. >> Yeah. >> In such a way where you're like >> messing with the veil at this point where you can literally you're you're there >> but you're still in the body. >> Yeah. >> So I see it and I was there. I was confused. I started to lose touch with this reality. And it was I was there. I wasn't in the street. I wasn't in an apartment. But um I don't know. My brother and his husband helped me. They got me a ticket was like, "Okay, can you come home now?" And I was like, "Okay, here we go." And I did. And um I'm still here. So, I know I've changed cuz the old me would have just like hopped on a plane and been gone >> and my family would have been like, "Where is Teresa?" "Oh, she's moved to wherever, New York. I don't know where >> wherever I wanted to be." And so, it's not like I'm not I still don't have that free spirit. It's just that um >> I'm looking at my behaviors now. I'm not avoiding things anymore. And if you know now I'm here by where my youngest two boys are just so I could be in their lives and you know be here with my family. And so learning those things I also found Kaimana which I'm I'm proud to say I'm a Ka cultural consultant. Um and so I'm going to have them on here on my podcast as well. >> Um the Dr. Lani Tolo is the one who created Kimana and so um yeah those are my people that they helped me do some deep cleaning. So I learned so with this um emotional processing I learned which I can still do um I had to do a process every week for a whole year. And so in a way that was like therapy every single week >> of me addressing my behaviors, where they came from, like what belief system and started and all of that. Like it it really did just help me like understand what I was doing to myself in a toxic way so that I could release >> and where I was allowing other people to control me in so many ways like that emotional that's why we're not okay because give the power of it >> and so that was me saying oh I I'm releasing this so that I can have my power you take your stuff um I'm not holding your guilt anymore I'm not holding your shame anymore >> and I'm releasing that so that I don't feel like So I don't feel like death is a better answer. Yeah. Than living this way. So >> all of that just going through that and then um learning that about me. But it wasn't addressing any of my cultural stuff and every time I would do a process the other person because they're also we're doing one on each other right back and forth and every like almost every time they would say man you're healing your whole culture every time. And I didn't realize at the time I was missing something. I didn't know what or why. And when I found Kaimana, it it answered my why. So I was like, "Oh, that's what I was missing." >> The cultural part where this is what Dr. Lani Dolo did for her PhD. I was in her first group. So her control group where she was working on her PhD. I was the one of the first people in there. >> Wow. And so I'm really grateful for that experience because that it was like getting on the ground like just getting out there into the world and I was like the study she was studying us and our answers and our responses and because I had already gone through a year of doing these processes and then like helping others like now do processes on people with people not on them with them because they're doing the work I'm just facilitating it >> and so Um, I did the work for all that for that whole year. It was hard. >> And um, I don't know, in a way it was like I don't think I would have done that. I mean, the work is different in a now I'm seeing it's different in a um, rehab center. >> Oh, yeah. >> I mean, you go in there, but really the best thing about that is that you're removing yourself from everything that stresses you out. And that's your family as well. Yeah, >> all of those things that stress you out and like make it so that you can't do life. >> And so that's one of the good things that I seen about uh rehab. But I do have a dream of creating my own healing centers like because of it where there's going to be you know live music uh chanting like working with the land like you know in a garden making because that's really where healing happens just you get healing even from being in a certain place but when you start working towards things start to change for you. So realizations happen just >> there's the land is a lot more powerful than people understand and that's what we have to start talking about like >> um the land has like created lots of things and brought us to certain places like we're here for a reason I see so many polations here in Utah now >> and I do believe that we're being called here for a reason and that reason is almost like we're it's a Is it something's happening something going on? So I do believe that and I'm happy to see that's why I say like you can always trust your intuition but we have to question our perspective because our perspective is tied to what we are healing in ourselves and that's where the confusion may come in um because like I have someone as an example maybe hears voices maybe that they have a gift they can hear voices they can hear them so clearly um more than other people. But it doesn't matter how powerful your gift is if you don't address your traumas that that you're still holding on into your body. You have to like release them so that you're not confused when you hear the darkness because when you hear those dark voices, you think that it's telling you the truth. >> So that's a problem. Yeah. >> And I know that like these antiscychotics, they might help people who are just like not addressing this and that maybe that's it's supposed to be temporary now, but the doctor doesn't tell you that. They just give you this pill so that you can calm down and then they release you into the wild again. Yep. >> So, it's just a whole system that's like >> jacked up. But they've got it down. It's all It's all down. >> And they've got protocols. Yep. They've got protocols and they've got laws around it. they've got there's just there's a lot there's a lot to uncover and so um we'll as well >> absolutely absolutely >> so there's just a lot but >> I just wanted to say my background a little bit of me and where I came from and um I'm the oldest of all of my siblings so there's let's see nine 10 all um and yeah I have my tongue family And then I had my son one family my son cute son was like I remember Tommy because we there's no difference and also if you look far back enough like there was a difference the only difference was like this island and that island. We were all just together just different tribes coming from different areas. And you even go further back to like our ancient knowledge where we talk about Lria and all of that. Uh yeah, there's just information. Yeah. And they don't want us to remember. I say they >> Yeah. >> I mean like the people who have been lying to us this whole time. >> Yeah. >> The ones making the books of the stories and the laws and the rules that we have to follow in order to be a good citizen and not because our freedom to be taken away from us if because of where we've been like willfully placing ourselves. And >> um like because we've been conforming and just being a good citizen. Like that's the first thing I would teach you in kindergarten is how to stand straight and walk in a straight line. And if you can't, you're being bad. >> Yeah. >> So that's >> Yeah. Can you do it? And my favorite are always the kids who like stand right outside of the line and they're not breaking the rules too many. >> That was me. >> You're good. So when I was there, it was like I wasn't causing the kid too much stress because that system is just it's so messed up. We need to >> kids are going to be kids. Why are we standing what's normal? >> Learn in nature. >> I've noticed too like kids are always well that's not normal. I'm like well who said what's normal? Who who said that this is how we sit and chairs need to be like this? Exactly. >> Yeah. Why is it that we >> Exactly. Exactly. So yeah, I question the systems, even my own. >> Yeah. So >> I think there's more power in that than people even like >> Yes. >> No. >> Yeah. >> Question the systems. >> Yes, please. >> I love what you said specifically. Let me see if I can't get it right. But it was specifically what you said. Um, hold on. How did it go, man? Now it's going to go away. We'll come back to it. I tried. Luckily, it's recorded. >> Yeah. >> It was beautiful, though. I don't think that needs to be a t-shirt. That looks gorgeous. I'm in. I'm in. >> Yeah. So, that's I think that's good. >> Yeah. I mean, you covered a lot. You covered a lot. >> I'm sweating. >> We You did great. We I For those who don't know, I'm like, this literally does not want it doesn't like me. Usually it's my technologies that my car prefers Sam. >> Look at me. It's okay. You could become obsessed with me, too. >> Yes. >> Okay. So, for those who don't know, uh Teresa launched her first podcast. What was that like five days ago? >> Yes. The 22nd. >> The 22nd. And it was against all odds. >> It was against all odds. >> Absolutely. Oh, I don't know if I'm gonna tell a little bit of the behind the scenes of if you wonder why there's random images of logos and words and >> Yeah, it was crazy. >> We pieced it. We did the best we could with what we had, but the goal was to get it out and we did. >> Yeah. >> And it's awesome. >> Well, for the past four years, you've been in your academy >> and for the past four years, I've been trying to get this first office episode out. However, uh I know what I still don't know what I'm doing. >> Nobody does. >> I'm figuring it out as I go. >> Yeah. >> And I had already recorded a session, my first episode that I wanted to be specific. I wanted it to say what I wanted to talk about and how was going to go forward. Um, but I just I tried I I tried so many different ways to like it and I was watching the, you know, YouTube University and all of that. I just >> I was still living life and I think it was just getting too hard to try and do both. And so, >> um, it just wasn't getting off the ground. And even right when I said, "Okay, 22nd, it's going out on the 22nd." and you're like, "All right, let's do it." And uh I still tried and it was still like I did better. It was doing it was looking great. >> Yeah. >> I It was looking how I wanted it to look. >> We were so close. We were so close. >> And then I was just like to cry because we had I was going on a a trip with my family camping trip and I just finally were like, "Okay." I was trying not to bug about it because I was like, "You've helped me so much already." But then I was like, "Okay, I need help." I feel like throwing my computer out the window >> and doing it during Mercury help. Well, >> um, and so when I came here, you were like, "Okay, bring all of your stuff for your computer and all of that." And I did. And then finally you looked at me and said, "Do you want to just re-record it?" And I was like, "Yes." Like about to cry. though I was very emotional when I read that again because I just I said it but it's still it came across very genuinely which is true I >> I said all the things I wanted to say I did mess up a little bit um believe that I said which is very important to me um is supposed to be done three times on purpose and I steadly did it four on the first second but I wasn't going to edit it out because it took That took that was hard. >> Yeah. >> And I didn't want to figure it. I just wanted it to be posted and so that's why I just left it. And then just all of the other mistakes that were on there. It's It's okay. >> It's okay. >> I was trying to live as a perfect human being for so long and it wasn't doing me any good. In fact, it was harmful >> and toxic and alive cuz what is perfection? It's real. >> Literally. So >> an illusion, an illusion placed upon us by ourselves, right? Because we fell for it. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. So I just let it be. So I apologize if I offend anyone with it, >> but it is what it is. It's out there and I'm not going to edit it. >> No. >> Yeah. It's perfect. It is perfect. >> It's It's perfectly imperfect. >> Like how how could we tell our stories any other ways in a perfectly imperfect way? and we're going to have lots of more ways to start and share and bring all these different aspects in and we're still figuring it out. We're learning together in real time. So, thank you for sharing your story. >> Yes, of course. >> Yeah. And then people can find you with up in the corner. Sorry for the technical difficulties with the camera >> the the behind the scenes, but we are coming and going. So, we will see you guys soon and you can find Teresa in the QR code and stay tuned for more. >> Thank you for joining us this evening. We bridge the gap between what the world often keeps separate, logic and light, and spirit and science. 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